...I'd rather weigh too much than not enough

So some days I feel like there's an alternate universe where fat is the standard of pretty and the proverbial they will find our world and be utterly confused. Because, really, it makes no sense. In Hawaii and other weird isolated islands when you get old you're supposed get fat as a sign of wealth. If food costs money, and poor people starve, why isn't being plump a status symbol? One day these alternate fat people are going to land and be like "ew, put those bones away..."

I'm ranting. there's a reason.

see, I'm in this play and we're in hell week. Now, no one likes doing costumes (it's like the dress up game from hell, where you have no choice and the stakes are raised by being stuck with safety pins) but my little sister is thirteen and has fairly big boobs for it and isn't as small as me. So none of the costumes fit over her boobs (she wasn't the only person this happened to.) When she told the director this, she said "It's not your boobs. You're going to have to do some sit ups if you want to fit into any of these dresses."

And it's a pretty good thing we don't own a flame thrower, because my mother would be roasting marshmallows on a burning skinny woman.

that was graphic. I'm kind of mad. Weight is just so...insubstantial. Like there are two extremes, being very thin and very big. But to society, very thin is very much more accept (and god do I hate to be accepted.) I'd rather be too fat. Because guess what, I'd get to eat more.

...I've resolved to be less awkward (or at least take chances)

So I'm an awkward kid. I'm a dork with a small amount of filters. I mean, I'm a theater kid that goes to Jew camp. I'm no stranger to awkward.

But I always thought I had courage, at least. Said what I wanted to say.

So let me preface this story by telling you that I live in a VERY small town. Like a square mile. So everyone knows everyone. Like if someone cuts you off in the school parking lot, you can tell their mommy. But so I was in the local hub and this kid who's in college now walks in.

Now, my mother is convinced that someday this kid and I will get married. We've known each other as long as we've done theater, which is forever.

So he walks in and I don't get up or say hi or anything, because let me reiterate: I AM AN AWKWARD KID. At the moment he walks out, I think to myself, "I will never live this down."

So the next day his little brother throws a water bottle at my little sister, and says "That's for being [insert my name here]'s sister. And she's like "Why?" and the little brother goes "Because my brother's really upset that your sister didn't say hi to him yesterday."

So I'm making a frustrated noise, in case you couldn't tell.

Why is that my fault? He didn't say hi either! He's had a girlfriend for years, and he's a college kid, and suddenly I'M the awkward kid.

So not only am I awkward, but I attract awkward people. My mother just validated this.

So now I'm going to try not to be one of those people.

I'm completely prepared to utterly fail.

...well, for one, I'm starting a blog.

Well, firstly, blog is just really fun to say.

So, I have this best friend. And we might as well be sisters except for the fact that she lives like three hours away, which sucks. But anyhow, she made a blog. It's a blog of lists, and it's amazing. So since she did it, and I want to be just like her when I grow up, I decided to make a blog.

And at first, it was really lame, because I was just gonna ramble. But this 100 reasons why, just sounds like a good idea.

So everyday (ish) I'm going to explain why I feel or did something. Kind of cool, huh? I guess so.

Blogging seems like a good idea, anyway. Even though I always sucked royally at keeping diaries because I'm just overall awful at thinking linearly. And I'm all over the place. But when I was in like 6th grade I had a diary, except I didn't want to write anything bad. Guess what? It sucked (hey that kind of rhymed.) Because now I know that you can't just have the sun without the rain because then all the plants would die and we'd all die and it be the dinosaurs all over again.

So this is how I feel...