...I didn't change the background on my phone.

I have a friend. Actually, that's a lie. I don't have that friend anymore. See how complicated he's already being? He's like that. Carmen and I became best friends with him in Olim. Like best friends. Wallowing in how much our lives sucked but surviving it together best friends. Med call buddies.

That year, mostly, we called each other all the time. Carmen and I three way assaulted him, pretty much. Car and I are so similar that we end up saying the same things.

One day I went to visit him and we roamed around central park. There was this little path we walked down that no one else was on, and the light hit the path just right and took a picture of it. It was my background on my phone.

He had problems. We had problems, but he was worse at dealing with them, I guess.

Damn he's hard to explain.

Occasionally he'd be a dick. I'd call that one Camlemagne (a play off Charlemagne) but then he'd be Cameron again. And we'd love him again.

I can remember the last time we were friends. He hopped a train to me and then we went to Autumn's play. It was amazing, just how comfortable it was. I loved him being my best friend.

then we went to Israel, and Cameron was gone. Camlemagne was the only thing there. He was...worse than I can describe.

Soon after I got home, my phone spazzed and I got a new one, and the only picture I had for the background was a black and white one of the path.

He hates me. He tells me so every time I tried to talk to him. He tells me how awful I am, and it doesn't take a psychologist to get he's projecting. He treats Carmen like crap too.

Yesterday, there was a giant bag of gummy bears on my desk in AP chem. I took a picture of it and accidentally set it as my background picture.I don't know if it was some grand metaphor for finally letting him go.

but I couldn't do it. I changed it back.

I promised I'd never give up on him...

?